More Baby Thoughts

During our Babymoon, I was able to take some time to reflect on where my life had been and where it was headed. It was a bittersweet time as I had begun to mourn the loss of my previous life. I think I’m revisiting that mourning now, almost 2 months into my new life.

I feel guilty even having these thoughts because while I write this, my background noise is Lily sucking away at her pacifier while she naps in my arms. But while I listen to this, I’m also glancing out the window at this beautiful day wishing I could just jet off to the pool, our go sit outside at a restaurant and enjoy some adult beverages a little too much till the sun goes down. Yes, either of these things I could still do with Lily in tow, but it’d require a little more planning, and a lot more of my attention that I’d selfishly rather pay to just myself.

The mourning is still a reality. Having Lily is so wonderful that it’s not around all the time. In truth, I’ve only felt this way two other times since she’s been born, once while sitting alone in the hospital recovery room, and another while watching the season finale of Scrubs (weird, I know). Regardless of how often I feel this way, it’s a feeling that is a lot more difficult to deal with than when I’d first come upon it in St. Thomas. Perhaps that has something to do with the crystal clear ocean, white sand beach, and my awesome maternity bathing suit that I rocked out every day while on vacation?!

And I’m sure that this goes without saying, but I’d deal with these feelings as often as necessary being that they’re caused by my adoreable Lily. She’s so very very worth it!

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