Baby thoughts…
I mentioned earlier that the babymoon gave me a lot of time to think about the pregnancy and sort of settle into it. This post briefly explains the emotions I’ve experienced over the past 7 months.
We weren’t trying for a baby. Will Smith once said to Oprah that when you have children you have to mourn your previous life. 7 months ago, I wasn’t ready to mourn, I was loving that life! Then one day in September my “previous life” was turned upside down. Now things are a little different. While I have no way of knowing exactly what it is going to be like once Isabelle is born, it is very clear that she is going to rock our world. Gone will be the days of making selfish decisions regarding what to do after work or on the weekends. The nights of staying out late with friends and crashing at their place will be no longer. How we spend not only our time but also our money will be different. No more last minute vacations consisting of just laying on the beach. No more long expensive dinners accompanied by great wine and no cares in the world. We won’t be able to spend entire weekends sleeping in, eating doughnuts, and catching up on the DVR. I will miss all of these things dearly. I am so grateful, however, that the last 26 years have been unreal and loads of fun.
Its true, the next many years will be nothing like the past, and as terrifying as that is, I’m really excited. And I’m slowly starting to understand what that excitement means. I am excited for seeing all of her “firsts” and learning her likes and dislikes. As she gets older, I can’t wait to hear her giggle with her friends and talk about boys. I know that caring for this little nudger inside of me will be the greatest gift I’ve ever received. I know that God put me on this earth to be a mother – and a fantastic one at that. While I’m going to miss everything that was, I think I am ready to take on this new calling of motherhood.
In a few more months I know I’m going to be more scared than I’ve ever been and will be desperately clinging to my previous life. I don’t think the mourning process can be completed throughout the course of this pregnancy, I think it is a process that will be around for awhile and we get used to our new life. Brian and I have spent an amazing nine and half years just the two of us. Those memories will never go away. Memories will continue to be created, just with more players in the game. And I really do think that it will be the greatest game ever played.
ali on February 19th, 2009
Thanks for sharing this…I understand what you feel and have thought some very similar things